he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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