FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Randomize
