**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
