god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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