There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
