I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Who died my cat blue again?
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