Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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