need another drink. this is the easiest way
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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