I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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