I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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