Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Randomize
