Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
