i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
