god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Randomize
