My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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