Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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