I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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