Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Randomize
