I looked at my own cervix.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Operation Purity has been aborted
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
sex in a hospital.. check
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
