She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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