Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
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