And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
