Why are handjobs necessary in class?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I love how my cats smell like pot.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
