But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
