You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
