If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
The power of my boobs compel you
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