My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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