You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
