i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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