She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
