I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
