I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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