watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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