To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
do herpes really smell.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I just had sex on a roof
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
