If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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