He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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