this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
