He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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