I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
