Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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