my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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