did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
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