did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
