You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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