I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
