I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
