the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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