highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
