I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
sarcasm needs its own font
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
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