...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
FUCK WHALES
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
