Sponge bath it is.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
