Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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