Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
